Week Sixteen: #36 – The Incredibles

The Nitpicker Guide to the Movies
“See the films you love in a whole new way!”
Now this movie belongs in the top 50.  Not only is the film just technically astounding (Pixar sure has come a long way from Toy Story, huh?), but the story is just crackerjack fun.  Stirring, moving, and something to say about being a hero.
But my job is nitpicking, so here we go.
-0:02:00 Freeze it here, and watch how when Elastigirl blinks, her red mask covers her eyelids.  That’s a pretty good trick, and it works with everybody in the movie who is masked
-0:02:33 Mr. Incredible turns his car to Isolate Pursuit mode, and a flashing dot shows his car, the police car and the bad guys.  I’ll buy that his car shows up on the display, and even that the police have been kind enough to provide lowjack info to the local superheroes.  But the bad guy?  Why is that car transmitting info?
-0:02:52 The car conversion mode is cool, and it reminds me of happier days watching Inspector Gadget–but when I was 9, I didn’t really care that the car in that show, just like Mr. Incredible’s, somehow has greater mass after it changes than before.  Not possible, kiddoes
-0:07:50 It’s amazing that Buddy’s rocketbooks can lift both him and Mr. Incredible, and that Mr. I isn’t burned by said rocketboots as they’re rocketing right in his face
-0:12:20 The file cabinets behind the poor old lady are interesting.  CCC-DDD is one, with EEE-FFF under it, and GGG-HHH under that.  Top of next row, there is OOO-PPP.  Seems to make sense, but if I have a claim for, say, Donaldson, where does it go?  Donaldson is between DDD and EEE, and there’s no drawer for that…
-0:16:03 Only Violet’s physical self disappears, and as a result when she invisibles, her clothes are still to be seen.  Tony is only about a foot away, looking over a wall right at a blouse hanging in midair.  Yet he doesn’t react.  Either he needs glasses or he is really blasé
-0:17:40 Does Dash have a superhigh metabolism?  I guess it would make sense, since he’s superfast, but really–that steak on his plate looks like it would feed three full-grown men
-0:17:55 Mom tells Dad about Dash’s misadventures: “He put a tack on the teacher’s chair.  During class.”  Why the emphasis on during?  Would it have been okay if it had been before class?
-0:18:42 Back when Violet was not seen by Tony, she reappeared and had her hair over her right eye.  Now at the dinner table, the hair is over her left eye.  Is it possible to part one person’s hair on either side of her head?  At random?
-0:19:08 Mom tries to elastically stop her kids from killing each other.  Ignoring her, they dive under the table, causing her arms to stretch.  She says “ow.”  Is she kidding?  This isn’t nearly as stretched out as we’ve already seen her–and if she has control over the stretchiness, how are the kids getting away with this?
-0:29:36 Mr. I really needs to learn anger management.  I’m in complete agreement that his boss is an absolute tool–but Mr. I throws him through not one but four walls…that is not acceptable or heroic!
-0:45:20            Thunderhead’s cape gets caught on a missile, and away he goes.  His cape is so strong it can withstand the force of a missile?  That’s some serious fabric!
-0:52:30 Well, Mr. I better be invulnerable, splashing down from a hundred feet right on his spine like that
-0:53:30 A probe pops out of the water and starts scanning for Mr. Incredible.  What is keeping this probe in the air?  Evil?
-1:05:55 Helen, a.k.a. Elastigirl, turns on the autopilot and goes into the plane bathroom to change clothes.  That’s good, because unbeknownst to her Violet and Dash are onboard, and it might be traumatizing if she just stripped down in the cockpit.  But since Helen doesn’t know the kids are on board, how safe of a pilot does it make her that she just leaves the plane on cruise control to change clothes?
-1:08:32 There are missiles coming at the plane.  How does Helen warn her children?  By flipping on the FASTEN SEATBELT sign.  Sheesh, mother of the year…
-1:10:01 I think it’s time to give the Will Award!  Elastigirl abandons her attempts to get the missiles aborted, runs from the cockpit, forms an elastic globe around her children just before the plane explodes.  Aaaaand because she also is conveniently invulnerable when she wants to be, like her husband, the exploding shrapnel does not hurt her or the children in any way, besides knocking her unconscious.  Hard enough to knock her out, but not a drop of blood.  Thank goodness!
-1:10:19 The airplane explodes and the Incredible family falls straight down.  At this frame we’re looking straight up at them falling–yet every last bit of airplane debris has disappeared
-1:10:40 Galileo proved (I think it was Galileo, anyway it has been proven) that objects fall at the same speed regardless of weight.  The airplane and the Incredibles were all at roughly the same height when the explosion happened, yet Helen and her children land in the water (with the aid of air resistance, since she’s acting as parachute) and only twelve seconds later does the previously unseen airplane debris land.  Given the air resistance, it should have hit before they did, and certainly not so long after
-1:17:52 It’s a nice touch that upon seeing a mirror, Elastigirl checks out her rear.  It is probably exactly what any woman would do who hasn’t seen what her suit looks like.  But wait–why is there a full-length mirror in the middle of an evil villain’s secret volcano lair hallway?
-1:25:10 This always bugged me about the Flash, too–Dash has been running at full or near-full speed for about a minute.  Doesn’t he get winded?  Tired?  I know he’s fast, but how does he maintain that speed for so long?  I guess I’m just jealous
-1:28:00 The bad guy, who has already fired off a few bullets at hidden Violet, starts firing at Dash and Violet in the bubble.  This guy is pretty stupid, as every one of his bullets ricochets off and it’s only a matter of time before he gets hit–but he keeps firing.  In fact, he fires a steady burst for about ten seconds, which is like, two hundred bullets.  That’s quite a clip he’s got there!
-1:33:54            Syndrome isn’t all that smart.  He could have just built an OmniDroid that would be easy to defeat and made sure to show up at the right time.  But no, he has to make one that is really intelligent, and can learn, and then whaddyaknow, Syndrome can’t defeat the thing!  Putz
-1:34:33 Since Elastigirl yelped in pain when her kids dragged her arms under the dining table, I am flabbergasted at how she can handle holding onto the Winnebago and the rocket
-1:38:08 Mr. Incredible sees Syndrome’s dropped remote control.  Follow me on the road of amazingness!  A: he just happens to have been dropped right by said remote.  B: he remembers that this device is what Syndrome was using to control his OmniDroid.  C: the device is still in working order, even though the OmniDroid shot it off Syndrome’s wrist with a laser!  D: when Mr. I very foolishly shouts “Syndrome’s remote!” and the OmniDroid hears this, the beast doesn’t shoot the remote again and render it useless–he just smashes Mr. Incredible into the ground.  E: Mr. I and the remote survive this.  Remarkable!
-1:40:10 This remote is an interesting device.  It can freeze the robot, make each individual arm disconnect, shut down the robot and even cause the claws at the end of each arm to open and close and spin and be jet propelled…  And all that with only four buttons!  No wonder it’s hard for the Incredibles to figure it out
-1:40:17 The OmniDroid, perhaps sensing that the Incredibles need time to think, doesn’t fire any lasers at them, or throw its claws at them, or start rolling at them, or do anything but kind of slowly, menacingly walk forward–while they all stand around discussing the remote for thirty seconds
-1:47:10 At least supervillains make it convenient.  The Incredibles walk out of the track meet, and what to their wondering eyes does appear but the Underminer!  Right there in the parking lot, and not, say, three states over
-1:47:20 So they’re still in civilian clothes, the same clothes they just walked out of the stadium in, and now they all have masks on?  That won’t compromise any secret identities, nossir!
I suppose that will do it for The Incredibles.  www.slipups.com if you just can’t get enough, or come back next week for noodles, fireworks and some serious animated butt-kicking with Kung Fu Panda!
See you in seven…

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