Week Fourteen: #38 – Hancock

The Nitpicker Guide to the Movies
“See the films you love in a whole new way!”
Good old Will Smith–always a surefire blockbuster.  Even when he’s in something that feels like two different movies smushed together.  The first half, the superhero redemption, is a phenomenal story.  As Hancock approaches the bank situation, the “Good job”s he hesitantly hands out…it was moving, it was fantastic.  I loved it.  Then everything after the bank, the whole “there’s another superhero let’s have a battle even while we still love each other” thing–I suppose it wasn’t awful, but it was nothing compared to that beginning.  What happened?
You probably don’t know either.  Oh, well, on to the pickery…
-0:01:03 Guy leans out of the white SUV to fire at the cops, then we cut to a helicopter-high shot and nobody’s leaning out of the window
-0:01:14 Maybe the continuity person was off the day they shot this scene!  Now a guy is leaning out the window behind the driver’s seat, but when the shot changes here he disappears
-0:03:31 As the sign falls onto the police car, the front end of the left one pops into the air before anything has touched it, and then it bounces into the air for no reason–sloppy!  These signs also must be made of titanium, or something–one sign takes out, like, twelve cop cars…
-0:03:47            Hancock has his booze with him as he flies up to the bad guys–but we see both of his hands rip the car roof off and no booze.  Where’d he put it?  It’s back in hand a second later
-0:05:56 I question the shot of the SUV impaled on the building roof spire.  Compared to the building itself, it looks like the SUV is giant-sized
-0:08:32 Wow, continuity guy slept through this day too.  Ray is doing his presentation, and as the shot changes, his yellow “heart” sign jumps from his left hand to his right!
-0:10:28 I’m sorry.  I don’t care if Hancock is the equivalent of Superman, and I don’t care if his feet are molecularly bonded to the concrete.  No way does he just stop a moving train like that.  The laws of physics must be rolling in their graves…
-0:11:56 Maybe Los Angelinos are different than most folks–but if you just saw a guy stop a train by standing in front of it, would you gather around and insult him?
-0:22:14            Michelle the bully comes falling, like, a mile out of the sky and Hancock just catches him.  And in the process, breaks every bone in his body!  It doesn’t work like that, people!
-0:29:40 Proof that cons aren’t that bright–they’re trying to beat down on Superman?  Okay, it’s Hancock, but same concept!
-0:33:05 I’m harping on physics here, but something seems wrong about the way Hancock throws the basketball across the court.  Plus does he have superhuman shot abilities, too?  I’ll buy that his strength allows him to attempt the shot, but make it?
-0:38:06            Hancock misses one of his famous full-court shots, and the ball shoots skyward–apparently his touch gave the ball special powers of flight!
-0:40:26 Okay, gonna geek out a little bit here.  Would Hancock be able to shave his own beard?  Sure, he’s got the superstrength and the invulnerable fingers, but isn’t his facial skin equally invulnerable?  I postulate that it would be as unlikely as me being able to do that to my own normal skin with my normal fingernails–and as a proof of concept, Superman can’t do that, so Hancock shouldn’t be able to.  I’ll stop now
-0:43:50 Hate to nitpick a superhero, but considering that Hancock could fly the endangered policewoman right out of the situation in an eyeblink, it seems strange (though admittedly very cool) that he lifts the police car and walks along using it as a barrier.  A ricochet could still injure her, and a powerful enough weapon (which we’ve seen they already have) could still punch through
-0:45:00 Pretty lucky that as Hancock starts picking off the bad guys one at a time, the remaining leader doesn’t start popping hostages…
-0:45:15 Head bad guy says “What is happening?” as his three cohorts magically disappear.  One of the bad guys said, “It’s Hancock!” back when he was saving the policewoman…where is this question coming from?
-0:46:59 May have to give this one the Will Award–the bad guy has a dead-man detonator.  If his thumb comes off the switch, the bomb explodes.  Hancock solves the problem by cutting off the bad guy’s hand, and we see him now carrying detonator and hand over to the bomb squad.  Question: since the man’s arm is no longer attached, and the tendon that would keep the pressure on the thumb switch is way back in the bank, how is the thumb still holding down the button?  Hancock isn’t holding the thumb down.  Hmm?
-0:48:00            Hancock puts his cool sunglasses on and takes off into the sky.  How do the glasses stay on his face, when he’s doing 380 miles an hour?
-0:55:48 “I apologized to the neighbors, called State Farm, and everything is taken care of.”  Um…is there superhero insurance?
-0:56:00 No, this has to get the Will Award–somehow, Mary is so good at hiding her secret that her husband of almost a decade has no idea that she has superpowers!  She should put a pair of glasses on to complete her impenetrable disguise!
-0:58:03 Mary catches Hancock threatening to cream her with the frying pans.  He’s got the pans up by his head, then the shot changes and his hands are under the counter
-0:59:40            Speaking of Big bad guy, how is it that he’s sitting in a prison with a hook for a left hand?  They give prisoners weapons now?
-1:00:00 Mary comes flying in to Hancock’s cliffside pad.  With all that wavy blonde hair, one would think she would tie it back or put it in a bun or something before she goes flying
-1:03:41            Tornadoes are touching down on the L.A. street, and as people run for cover, there’s a guy on stilts (had to watch this twice, looked like some kind of robot at first) walking towards the tornado.  Not hugging the ground, walking towards the tornado!
-1:04:00 Now that Mary has revealed herself and told Hancock that they’ve been going around and around for thousands of years…what are the odds that Hancock would save the life of the husband of the only other one of his kind?  Out of all the other billions of people in the world?  (And why, outside of the sake of movie convenience, do Mary and her husband still live in L.A., where Hancock does, if the last thing she wants is to be around him?)
-1:04:35 Any idea how many people there are in Los Angeles?  And yet the battle between Hancock and Mary just happens to smash through the windows of the building where Ray is giving a presentation.  What are the odds?
-1:05:16 Ray drives home in his hard-traveling car, which still needs to have the trunk held closed by a rope.  Nothing else looks damaged.  After tossing this car ten feet, Hancock then dropped it into Ray’s driveway…so either a lot of damage fixed itself magically, or Ray got the car back from the shop with everything fixed–except the trunk.  You decide
-1:09:30 This world just has weird physics, apparently.  Or the filmmakers were lazy.  Anyway, Hancock throws a candy bar at a guy which knocks him out the window.  I know hurricanes can blow straws through trees, but a straw has some tensile strength to it, longwise.  A candy bar does not–it would blow apart on the dude’s head
-1:15:52            Disappearing blouse!  Mary wears a white blouse over her t-shirt all throughout the hospital visit–until right here, when the bad guys have shot her and she lies on the floor.  Next time we see her (two seconds later) it’s back on again
-1:16:12            Continuity…again…Mary lies back on the bed, and just at the end of the shot we see her left hand.  The same hand that is clutching Hancock’s shirt one frame later
-1:16:25 I am confused.  (Happens a lot.)  Mary said that she and Hancock lose their powers when they get close, which is why Hancock bled when he was shot.  They’ve just been having a very close conversation, and yet Hancock is throwing things around like he has his strength, and shrugging off bullets like he’s invulnerable.  What gives?
-1:17:15 Well, Hancock didn’t get shot, but the knife sure went into him good.  I’m so confused
-1:23:10 Well, Mary survived, and she and Ray and the kid are a family again.  Of course, she’s not going to age, and that just might somehow be a bit of a problem, you know, down the road…
-1:24:30 And it’s a fabulous thing that the moon is being used to promote a corporate logo, however philanthropic it might be.  Defacing the moon.  Hancock said he was “out of cel range” which must mean that he was on the moon, doing the defacing.  He can fly in space?  He doesn’t have to breathe?  How did he get the hundreds of thousands of gallons of red paint or food coloring or whatever up there?  Why is it suddenly a surprise to see this–couldn’t it be seen during the construction stages?  And how is he going to get rid of it, since the moon has no atmosphere, no rain, and so it’s not going anywhere?  Is the fairly adventurous but ridiculously physicked movie over yet?
Baby it’s cold outside…Ice Age, the Meltdown, is up for week fifteen!
See you in seven…

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