Week Thirteen: #39 – Ratatouille

The Nitpicker Guide to the Movies
“See the films you love in a whole new way!”
 
How did this movie get so high up on the list?  Rats and food?  I love Pixar to death, honestly I think they make some of the best movies ever, and I won’t deny that the quality of Ratatouille was outstanding…but the content!  Rats and food!!!
Eeeeuuughhhhhh…….
 
-0:01:59 Our first view of Remy is as he jumps through a window.  French windows must be very weak, for the book/rat combination to shatter it so easily
-0:03:17 Remy makes a joke about cleanliness being close to godliness—the quote is actually that cleanliness is next to godliness, and what does a rat know from clean anyway?
-0:09:50 Granny tries firing her shotgun at Remy and Emile, only to have an umbrella pop open.  Funny visual, but how exactly does pulling the shotgun’s trigger (a) cause the umbrella to open and (2) not cause a shot to fire?
-0:10:12 Much like the guns in Terminator II, Granny sure gets a lot of shots out of her pump-action without reloading.  Eleven, to be exact.  Seems one or two too many
-0:11:10 Eeeugh.  Granny shoots a hole in the ceiling, the chandelier falls, and the whole enormous, teeming colony of rats falls to the floor.  I suppose she doesn’t have great hearing, but the colony was only just above her head, and she never knew they were there?
-0:17:07 Isn’t it wonderful how every rooftop in Paris has a view of the Eiffel tower?
-0:21:08 Remy falls into Chef Gusteau’s kitchen and right into a plate of (now seriously) dirty dishes.  There are zero dishes on the surface when he hits the water, but as he comes up for air a convenient cup is there for him to grab
-0:21:15 One of the kitchen staff comes by, Remy ducks under the water, the guy looks right into the sink and yet doesn’t see the rat in the water
-0:24:18 Remy takes a drop of water from the faucet and rubs his hands together.  Yeah, because that makes everything okey-dokey sanitary
-0:24:27 Is the entire kitchen staff watching a movie?  The rat runs around and around fixing the soup, and nobody notices him!!!  This restaurant doesn’t even deserve the three stars they have left!
-0:29:57 It’s absolutely necessary for the story progression, and I feel like a jerk bringing it up…but sure is convenient that the rat understands English
-0:31:22 I’ve been picking nits and generally leveling my disgust at the movie, but there are many things that Pixar does right—so here’s one.  It is absolutely right that as soon as Linguini opens the bottle, Remy runs off, despite promising to stay and help.  A rat really would do that.  The fact that he comes back…well, it is a Disney movie, after all
-0:32:34 And oh yes, every apartment in Paris has a view of the Eiffel tower as well
-0:33:40 The rat cooked breakfast.  Bet that’s yummy.  (No, I’m not going to let this go!  It’s nasty!!)
-0:37:55 I am led to understand that scientists that work with the human brain can stimulate nerve responses by touching certain areas.  Your hand, for example, would spasm open and close much faster than you could make it do so by itself.  How remarkable that Linguini has hair that has the same function!  Remy pulls up on the hair in a shrugging motion—and Linguini shrugs.  In fact…yes, I think I will give this concept, cute as it is, the coveted Will Award!  It’s ridiculous that Remy can control Linguini’s actions by pulling on tufts of his hair!
-0:39:18 Maybe this proves that French windows are very weak—now an omelette breaks one (of course, they could just be using a heavy cream, ha ha)  And then the omelette on the street causes an accident…
-0:43:05            Continuity error—Chef and his lawyer look through the office window at Linguini and Collette.  Linguini is standing about six inches behind her, then the shot changes and he’s about two feet away
-0:46:51 Again, I appreciate this for movie-watching sake, but why are the cooks in a French kitchen speaking English?
-1:02:02 Now the involuntary motions Remy can accomplish by yanking on Linguini’s hair reach amazing new heights.  Linguini is asleep, yet Remy can completely control him!
-1:04:01            Collette, feeling jilted, rushes out to hop on her motorcycle.  Linguini follows, and it only takes five seconds for Collette to mount the bike, get her helmet on, and start the engine.  As a motorcyclist myself, there just ain’t no way, even if she doesn’t fasten the helmet properly
-1:09:58 Well, France must not have much of a crime rate.  Linguini and Collette jump on her motorcycle and immediately take off—which means she must leave the key in the ignition all the time, since she certainly doesn’t have time to insert it!
-1:12:35 Whoo, bit of a stretch of credibility—the rat is soooo much a fan of Gusteau that when he stumbles across the man’s will, he’s just gotta read it!  Because he can read, and he knows what a will is, and cares anything about the contents!
-1:12:55 I guess if we buy that the rat can read at all, we buy that he can read cursive writing…
-1:15:55            Linguini’s nice new large apartment is fortunately yet another building within sight of the Eiffel tower…
-1:17:40            Someone calls reporting a rat infestation, and the health inspector says he’ll be by in three months.  Three months to check on a rat infestation?  Remind me never to eat in France
-1:22:37 Linguini discovers the betrayal.  “You’re stealing food?”  That is what he has a problem with, the theft.  Not the fact that diseased, plague-carrying RATS have been IN the food!!!
-1:29:15 Remy is revealed in the doorway of the kitchen, all the staff rush at him to kill him, and somehow Linguini, who was in his office on the other side of the kitchen, gets there first.  He’s no chef, but he’d make a great Flash
-1:31:49 Collette rides away, furious and hurt, and slides to a stop between to lines of cars.  Then the light changes and suddenly she’s in a lane, with cars behind her waiting to go
-1:32:48 Ugh!  Eew!  No!  I don’t care that the rats get steam cleaned, I don’t care that they’re being “sanitary”, the rats are making the food!  No!  Ack!  Ptui!
-1:33:56 And since the rats are doing the cooking, Linguini, who up until now has been a total klutz, digs roller skates out of somewhere and skates around waiting on the tables.  Which isn’t silly in any way
-1:38:15 And the greatest food critic in Paris doesn’t mind learning that a rat has prepared his marvelous food, because as long as it was marvelous who cares if it also includes a touch of botulism?
 
I’m just too grossed out to continue.  Come back next week for another superhero movie and another Will Smith movie: Hancock!  Be sure to wash your hands in the meantime, and I will see you in seven…
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2 Responses to “Week Thirteen: #39 – Ratatouille”

  1. Luke Holzmann Says:

    I don’t know why people are so grossed out about rats in kitchens.

    So odd…

    ~Luke

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