Week Nine: #43 – Casino Royale

The Nitpicker Guide to the Movies
“See the films you love in a whole new way!”
Woo-HOO!  I will admit to being a pretty fair Bond fan.  I have every one of the previous 007 films, even the one with George Lazenby (and if you don’t know which one that was, you are not a true Bond fan).  And while I did like Pierce Brosnan, the Daniel Craig reinvention is absolutely fabulous.  Getting Bond away from spouting endless clever quips and back to the tough-as-nails, don’t-mess-with-him Ian Fleming version.  I do miss Q, though…
-0:11:17 They just don’t take chances with the star–Bond climbs the fence after Parkourman, and if you freeze here, you’ll see a nice shot of Daniel Craig’s stunt double
-0:11:39 Okay, it’s fun that Bond commandeers a bulldozer.  It’s his bulldog style, and I don’t even need anybody to explain how he managed to acquire the thing (and learn how to use it) in five seconds.  But isn’t 007 supposed to be a spy?  Isn’t part of spying remaining fairly unnoticed?
-0:13:52            Parkourman draws down on Bond and–lucky break for 007, his enemy is out of bullets!  Whew!  How often does that happen?
-0:17:56 The Nambutu embassy has some seriously deep windows.  Bond throws Parkourman right out a window, everything but his feet have disappeared–shot changes and only then does he actually break the window
-0:18:40 A quick crackshot on a convenient propane tank and boom!  Bond escapes another deathtrap.  Umm…except that the best television show in the whole wide world, Mythbusters, proved conclusively that propane tanks don’t explode when you shoot them.  Sorry, 007
-0:19:03 The impossible propane explosion was strong enough to rip the gate out of the wall thirty yards away, yet not kill the guards standing right in front of it?  Remarkable!  (Then again, maybe 007 ripped the gate off with his bare hands)
-0:28:54 Fast-forwarding through security camera footage, the monitor timecode goes from 19:05:19:15 to 19:11:28:22 in less than a second.  Six minutes in under a second.  Then we look at Bond for three seconds before he pushes pause on the DVD player.  So the timecode footage should be somewhere around 19:29:00:00–but no, it’s at 19:11:39:18!  Six minutes in one second, then eleven seconds in the next three!
Also, from the moment we see the Aston Martin come into frame and the moment when the DVD starts playing normally thirty seconds of footage (supposedly) go by.  The counter which read 19:11:39:18 now says 19:12:12:08.  I suppose it’s possible it took the valet thirty whole seconds to walk around from the back of the car to open the door…but I bet he didn’t get a very big tip!
-0:32:49            Another lucky coincidence is how all of the women Bond just has to seduce in order to do his job happen to be stunningly beautiful.  Just once I would like to see one of these movies where he has to woo somebody’s 78 year-old grandmother
-0:45:23 007 distinctly hits nine numbers to get into the security area after figuring out that ELLIPSIS is the security key.  Except that ELLIPSIS only has eight letters (although I thought it rather clever of him to figure that out)
-0:47:25 Say what you will about 007, he sure is in shape.  Here he’s been running after a police car across the airport tarmac, and when he pulls up (having kept the car in sight) he’s not even breathing hard
-0:50:15 The fuel-truck chase has been happening for at least a minute.  But as we watch the cops speed to the scene, a plane is taking off in the background.  Does that make sense?  They’ve had at least a minute to ground every plane out here!
-0:50:50 Now an airplane is coming in for a landing!  Right over where the chase is happening!
-0:53:34 The bad guy bought the Sadistic Detonator kit–he doesn’t know the thing has been clipped to his belt, but when he pushes the Go button, it doesn’t just explode.  No, it starts beeping and gets faster and louder, giving him a good nine seconds to realize what is about to happen–before it goes off
-0:57:15 M, once more: “According to Vilius, you’re the best player in the service.”  What are the odds?  The best single poker player in all of MI-6 is our man James!
-1:41:19 Bond goes all in, Le Chiffre does the same, and there’s $150,000,000 in the pot.  Now that the bets have been called, the dealer needs to have everybody show their cards–but he’s nice enough to wait fifteen seconds before doing so, just to allow everybody at the table to look at each other dramatically
-1:42:36 So Bond wins, which I suppose we knew he would do.  But he wasn’t bluffing, and neither was Le Chiffre–he just lucked into a better hand.  That incredible 007 luck continues to thrive (not to mention being able to play at all, considering just undergoing cardiac arrest!)
-1:46:26 Chasing after the fugitives, Bond comes over a rise and Vesper is lying, tied up, in the middle of the road.  The car carrying her has completely disappeared.  He left the hotel maybe a hundred yards behind these folks–did he stop off for a Slurpee?  When did they have the time to arrange this–or has he been driving really carefully?
-1:46:30 Ooh…I just…I just can’t.  I’m sure there are probably continuity errors in the Aston Martin crash, but I can’t watch that again.  It just hurts so much.  You look–I’m going to go somewhere and have a good cry…
-1:58:05 This one is a lot of fun.  And I checked carefully.  007 needs to enter his 6-digit password, retrieve the 120 million dollars he’s won.  He tells Vesper she can enter it, and then spells out her name.  Wait just one second!  Waaaaay back at 1:10:45 we watched him enter his 6-digit password.  To use “Vesper”, he would have typed 8-3-7-7-3-7.  What he actually types, in close-up no less, is 8-3-6-5-4-7!  (Which would spell TENKIS, VENJIS or UFOLIP, but not VESPER!)
-2:03:45 Bond and Vesper are in bed together, and we see their feet–both of his and one of hers, all three pointing in the same direction.  Apparently they’re spooning.  Wait, no–shot changes and she’s facing him!  (She must be very limber)
-2:12:32 Is it really possible to get or arrange for a nailgun to fire when it’s not pressed against something?  Is there really such a thing as a battery-operated nail gun?  (The bad guy certainly isn’t hooked up to a compressor!)  Can one really set up a nail gun to auto-fire, without having to press the trigger every time?  ‘Cause this particular bad guy’s nail gun does all of these things…
-2:12:46            Improbable Nail-gun hit one into Bond’s left shoulder.  The nail was still sticking out of his shoulder when he was grabbed from behind–and it disappeared.  Fine, maybe the bad guy knocked it out.  But no, in this shot–there’s the nail again!  Somebody stop and jam it back in?
-2:15:30 This happens in a lot of movies–Bond pulls Vesper out of the water and tries CPR for about thirty seconds before he gives it up as hopeless.  I understand EMT’s will try CPR for thirty minutes before quitting!
Did I miss anything?  How can you tell?  Head over to www.slipups.com and check and see!
I suppose that’s enough of the spy stuff.  I want to watch aliens try and take over the world!  (Actually, I don’t all that much, but what are you gonna do?)  Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, and a whole lot of screaming in War of the Worlds, up next week.
See you in seven…

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